Recently on a warm evening, my friend and I were sitting on my front stoop having a glass of wine and chatting. Out of nowhere a dude comes stumbling down the sidewalk and approaches us. He’s a young guy probably a couple years out of college. It was a Friday night and the scene seemed harmless enough, so we stayed put. The conversation went as follows:
Dude: Hi. Hey. What’s going on?
Girl 1: Just hanging out. Where are you coming from?
Dude: A bar… (He looks off and is visibly wasted)
Girl 2: Oh yeah? Well, where are your friends? (Glancing around)
Dude: I don’t know. I lost them. Can I sit with you?
Girl 1: Okay…
Dude: You guys are awesome. It’s so hard to find good girls in the city and meet someone you really connect with. It’s all just hook-ups… What I want is someone I can connect with.
Girls: Oh yeah? (surprised) well, yes, it really can be hard.
Dude is zoning out and gets distracted. He refocuses on my friend.
Dude: I like you. You’re pretty.
Girl 1: Thanks…
Dude: Can I kiss you? (he stands up to lean drunkenly toward her)
Girls: WHAT!! No!! (we scream)
Dude: Why not? But I like you…
Girl 2: You don’t even know her. Back off!
Dude: Ok. (staring off, sits back down). It’s so hard to meet a good girl here. Everyone just wants to be in a relationship. And I just want to have casual sex!
Girl 2: That’s exactly the opposite of what you said two minutes ago!!
Dude: What?
Girl 2: Two minutes ago you said you were looking for someone you could really connect with, and now you just said all you want is random sex.
Dude: Whatever. I just like you friend. (he looks at her again blurry-eyed) can I kiss you??
Girls: No!! Okay we’re done, we’re going inside now. Bye. Go find your friends.
Dude: Can I come too?
Girls: NO!!! Buddy, get out of here!
Begrudgingly he led himself down the stoop and meandered down the street.
(Just to be clear we felt safe and equipped in the situation, otherwise we would have left right away. This guy was kind of a shrimp and a total mess. That said, if this is how guys try to pick up the ladies, we’re screwed!) SFAR
