Hard Economic Times

I was in a bar in the East Village with some friends, and the following led to insight about the economy and an unforeseen aspect of ‘normalcy’ in NYC. 

So, at the bar, my friends decided it was a good idea to abandon me to make a quick trip to the loo. I was left with no one to talk to except the bartender.  To paint a picture of the bartender, she had a completely shaved head, blow-out bangs and multiple facial piercings. (I am not suggesting that everyone should look like a J.Crew model, but I am not exactly the ‘edgy-est’ of characters.) The ice breaker I brilliantly decided to word-vomit unto the world: “Tell me something interesting about yourself.” 

Her reply, “I used to be a dominatrix for ten years.”

Great start.

Unfortunately, the general absurdity of the reply rendered me incapable of a response brighter than “Oh….coooool….how’d that turn out for you?” 

The bartender, far from pleased by my continued attempt in converse said, “It was great until the economic downturn, and then no one wanted to pay for kinky sex anymore.”

Thankfully my friends returned, cutting this exercise in self-humiliation short. But despite the awkwardness of the conversation, and the death stare the bartender shot me for the remainder of the evening, I thought to myself, at least I have a hilariously awkward story to tell people.  

However, when I decided to roll this gem of a story out the following Monday at work, my coworker’s response was, well, unexpected.

“Well, she’s right. My friend who’s into S&M said the same thing about the recession.”

Am I the only one NOT in touch with the S&M world of Manhattan? If yes, SO BE IT.

SFAR, and sorry Rihanna, S&M-free-FAR too.

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The Fight or Flight Moment

[Source: Reddit]

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Keep Calm and Marry Ron

This is our nightmare.

Xo SFAR

Source: keep-calm-hp.tumblr.com

To shop Keep Calm apparel: Click Here

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Angry New Yorkers with Bladder Control Issues = Trouble

Depend Underwear for Women and MenScene: Three women of various ages are enjoying an evening out at a hotel opening in New York. After a few cocktails, the trio make their way to the ladies room. Unfortunately, the hotel only has two unisex bathrooms in the event space and there is a line of 5 or 6 people waiting.

One of the women asks the men on line if the ladies can go first, to which a 50-something man in a suit lets out a high-pitched yell, screaming, “THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!”

The ladies get on the end of the line, and the 30-something woman stands right behind the gentleman with the urgent pissing situation. He turns to her and says “You understand, I have bladder control issues.”

a. TMI, sir

b. No, she does not understand, she is about 20 years your junior.

c. Buy some Depends if you can’t go to a party and not piss your GD pants, bucko.

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Drunken Shirtless Man on a Horse

This week, the Croatian Times reported about a man who tried to woo a lady by riding, well, crashing actually (drunken) into her home on horseback.

According to the paper, Jan Rudnicki, 40, hatched the scheme to bowl over divorcee Gosia Domoslawska after a night’s drinking down his local bar in Jarnoltowka, Poland. Sound familiar, readers? Brilliant ideas hatched while drinking?

Later that evening, Domoslawska was watching TV when Rudnicki allegedly showed up stripped to the waist on the horse and “smashed the door like a battering ram”.

We’re all for chivalry, but this story is ridiculous! Yet another reminder gentlemen, why “making impulsive decisions while intoxicated” is NOT a good idea, and will rarely impress a lady. Particularly when your idea involves forced entry and riding a horse shirtless while reeking of rum. Yikes. SFAR

To read the Croatian Times article: Click Here

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Dear Sir…

Heat or no heat, this is a really awkward way to ride the subway. 

Especially because it seems like the shine of your chest was a planned component of your carefully chosen ensemble.

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