Single for a Reason

Dear Chuck Todd,

This letter is overdue, as we have had feelings brewing inside us for quite some time that we want to share with you. It’s about your facial hair- your mustache/goatee in particular. We love politics, we adore news, we enjoy the 24 hour news cycle and HD offering that modern television gives us, but your facial hair is posing a problem. We want to hear what you have to say, we want you to report the news findings of the day, but we simply can’t take you seriously with your current facial hair situation.

It causes a physical reaction within us- furrowed brow, pursed lip, mild nauseousness. A general feeling of discomfort.

Please refer to the following infographic guide from Visually entitled, “The Trustworthiness of Beards,” which plots facial hair patterns and the connotations associated with each styling. Now, we’ve worked to plot your unique facial hair style, and would like to share with you the results.

Your style can be described as a combination of “The Goatee”, “The Horseshoe” (aka “The Hulk Hogan”), and “The Chin Tuft”. You sport all 3 together to form the unique Chuck Todd stache. Now, what you might also note from this visual, is where your styling places you on the scale of trustworthiness- not quite threatening, but certainly more than questionable… you sir, are unsavory. These are Visually’s words, Chuck, not ours, but we couldn’t have put it better ourself.

Your facial hair is distracting people from the compelling reporting you do, and causing us to be thoroughly creeped out every time we see you on our TV sets. Please consider modernizing your look and revamping your facial hair. We’re sure you have a very nice face under there and wish you would stop hiding it under a facial toupee that makes you look more like you’re a perpetrator on “To Catch a Predator” than NBC’s Chief White House Correspondent.

Sincerely Yours,

The SFAR Editorial Team

p.s. This is not a joke.