In New York, dating is an activity. Nay, it is a sport. And in this sport, there are many crazy sequences of events that lead to many hilarious stories (some of which end up right here on this blog).
Once in a while a true gem appears, which is what we deem the letter that went viral this week on reddit. The quick and dirty of it is: I-banker meets girl, takes girl on one date, texts her, doesn’t hear back, so he decides to write a CRAZY F*CKING EMAIL to her that lays out their entire situation in a diatribe whose length is usually reserved for epic breakups.
After reading the letter several times, we have some notes and questions for the author:
1. I thought I-bankers worked long hours and can never get out of the office to date girls. How are you able to a) go to the philharmonic alone on a random night and b) write an 80 paragraph e-mail you went on one date with? RED FLAG.
2. If you are anything in person like you are in this e-mail, your date was probably just playing with her hair and saying it was nice to meet you to make sure she didn’t tip you over the American Psycho edge and end up in a closet in some penthouse in Tribeca with Huey Lewis and the news playing in the background.
3. Apparently somewhere during your career (cough managing your parents’ investment), the line between professional and personal communications seemed to have crossed in a way that makes you appear to be writing a formal business letter to everyone you talk to. Using terms like “i.e,” “best,” and “include, but are not limited to” make your letter even creepier. Maybe you should have put this into a powerpoint and presented it to her in a formal business setting, that might have really drilled these points home.
4. You’re an asshole. Seek therapy.
Full letter is here and after the jump.
