Single for a Reason

Whoever said guys don’t kiss and tell as much as girls will have to take it back after reading this e-mail from a bro to his friends after a wild (yet sexually unfulfilling) weekend. You’ve gotta read it to believe it. The letter verbatim is included here below.

~~~~
Gentleman,

Last night two young naughty girls drove in from Charlotte to spend the evening with me and my buddy from highschool.  One of the girls, MK, went to school with us our sophomore year, but I had not seen her since.  She is 5′ 2″ has a size C rack, and has said such quotes to my friend as “fuck my face,” “I will do your laundry topless if I can stay for dinner,” and “if you accompany me to my friends wedding we can do whatever you want and you can film it.”  Naughty.  My friend requested that she bring me a highschool offering for the evening, but she was forced to settle for a college girl.  My date’s name was McCray? or something, and she was a saucy 20 year old brunette with a fantastic ass complimented by a tiny waist.

Anyways, we all decided to go over to MK’s cousin’s farmhouse in NC which is the fucking sticks about 20 minutes from Asheville.  We brought 2 cases of Busch Light, a fifth of Beam, a fifth of shitty vodka, and a deck of cards.  From 11 to sunrise the festivities included: kings, drunk driver (2 versions), strip poker, and beer pong.  By the morning we had gone through one and a half cases, a fifth of vodka, and half a fifth of Beam. Needless to say, everybody was fairly annihilated.  So anyways, after an evening of impromptu make out sessions and naked card playing, everything seemed as if it were running smoothly.  I went to bed with McCray and my friend went to bed with MK.  So here I am in bed with this chick, nothing too steamy going on, but the engine is starting to warm up and it appears as if it will be ready to drive to pleasuretown in just a few minutes…

Another minute passes, and here I am getting my crazy stupid cool mack on, when all of a sudden MK crawls into bed on the other side of McCray, and I say to myself “yeeeeee!!!! fucking jackpot!”  My friend has passed out without hooking up with her, and she must be looking for some dick…However, things aren’t always what they seem…MK begins to make out with my chick while we are spooning, and I slowly feel my girl’s attention diverting from myself to this female invader.  I try to stay in the game, I do everything I can to say “hey! look at me! me me me! fresh cocke!” but I see I am losing them fast.

Continue reading →