Cream in your Pants, Not on a Lady’s Leg

So I’d met this guy a few times and we always innocently flirted when we saw each other. He always went out of his way to be very polite and introduce me to all of his friends (and remembered my name, though I forgot his the first 2 times I met him). We saw each other again one night at a friend’s birthday and I was in the mood for a good make out, so after dancing and chatting with him most the night, I let him come back to my house.

We start kissing (with our clothes on) and when he tried to do more I said, “Not tonight…” I told him he could spend the night though, so he took off his jeans off and we kept kissing. He then tried to pull my hand down to get a HJ, but I was not in the mood and didn’t even know the dude’s last name (so we proceed to make-out). Next thing I know, his jizz is ALL over my leg! When I refused to give him what he wanted, he had just done it himself and left the results on my leg and all over my bed.

I am sorry, but since when is it okay to make out with a girl then jack off on her??? I decided not to bring it up because…. EW, and it just wasn’t worth it.

Then the next morning when we wake up… I am gracious enough to drive him home and not make him take the metro. He didn’t ask for my number and leaves by saying “See ya, Buddy”, leaving me to think only that he doesn’t remember my name (though he knew my name every other time I saw him after that).

Two weeks later, I got a Facebook message from him asking to hang out… Thanks, but NO thanks.

To top it off, he told me he was 27 (I’m 25) and our mutual friend told me later that he was 32!!! Not appropriate behavior for a 30 year old.

SFAR

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Song of the Day: He’s Not a Boy

Song of the Day: He’s Not a Boy, by The Like

Xo

SFAR

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VOICEMAIL: I’m Tina

Sometimes after a hook-up, you choose to call and leave a voicemail.

PLAY: I’m Tina

Note, the recipient of this voice mail is not named Reginald and did not have a tryst with Tina. He received this on his voicemail at work. Whoops. Needless to say, it has lead to many laughs.

Amazing. SFAR

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The Straggler

Recently on a warm evening, my friend and I were sitting on my front stoop having a glass of wine and chatting. Out of nowhere a dude comes stumbling down the sidewalk and approaches us. He’s a young guy probably a couple years out of college. It was a Friday night and the scene seemed harmless enough, so we stayed put. The conversation went as follows:

Dude: Hi. Hey. What’s going on?

Girl 1: Just hanging out. Where are you coming from?

Dude: A bar… (He looks off and is visibly wasted)

Girl 2: Oh yeah? Well, where are your friends? (Glancing around)

Dude: I don’t know. I lost them. Can I sit with you?

Girl 1: Okay…

Dude: You guys are awesome. It’s so hard to find good girls in the city and meet someone you really connect with. It’s all just hook-ups… What I want is someone I can connect with.

Girls: Oh yeah? (surprised) well, yes, it really can be hard.

Dude is zoning out and gets distracted. He refocuses on my friend.

Dude: I like you. You’re pretty.

Girl 1: Thanks…

Dude: Can I kiss you? (he stands up to lean drunkenly toward her)

Girls: WHAT!! No!! (we scream)

Dude: Why not? But I like you…

Girl 2: You don’t even know her. Back off!

Dude: Ok. (staring off, sits back down). It’s so hard to meet a good girl here. Everyone just wants to be in a relationship. And I just want to have casual sex!

Girl 2: That’s exactly the opposite of what you said two minutes ago!!

Dude: What?

Girl 2: Two minutes ago you said you were looking for someone you could really connect with, and now you just said all you want is random sex.

Dude: Whatever. I just like you friend. (he looks at her again blurry-eyed) can I kiss you??

Girls: No!! Okay we’re done, we’re going inside now. Bye. Go find your friends.

Dude: Can I come too?

Girls: NO!!! Buddy, get out of here!

Begrudgingly he led himself down the stoop and meandered down the street.

(Just to be clear we felt safe and equipped in the situation, otherwise we would have left right away. This guy was kind of a shrimp and a total mess. That said, if this is how guys try to pick up the ladies, we’re screwed!) SFAR

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A Card to Send to People Obsessed with Having Kids

someecards.com - Every time I see a cute kid, I remind myself how awesome it is to sleep through the night.

via Someecards.com

To send the card: click here

xo

SFAR

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Condoms Prevent Minivans

An important reminder for the weekend/life. Wrap it up.

[Source: StumbleUpon]

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