I had just relocated to a new city and was settling in, meeting new people and finding my way. One day I received a Facebook message from an acquaintance I hadn’t heard from in years. At first I wasn’t sure how I knew him but recalled thanks to Facebook we’d met once or twice through friends while I was working abroad. He was writing to say welcome to the state and that he often traveled to my city for work and would I like to get drinks. I said yes. Within two weeks he was in town for work and texted to ask me out. I was surprised by the quickness but said sure! We had a great conversation at drinks, realized we had a ton in common, and he was really cute. He owned his own light bulb company and was knowledgeable about business and worldly. After he walked me home we ended up making out and he left saying he’d see me soon. It was a random and fun date, I was excited to see what might happen.
He went back to his city and proceeded to call me every night to talk on the phone. We’d talk about our days but he’d also ask a ton of “get to know you” questions about everything- likes, dislikes, dating past, family, you name it. It felt very intentional on his part and kind of old-fashioned. I chocked it up to him being a nice Jewish boy. This went on for weeks. At times, I felt weird about it because I didn’t even know him and the efforts on his part were very consistent. I couldn’t remember the last time I had spoken to a guy EVERY night on the phone. It was insane! But it was also sweet and nice in a way. So I took his calls and spent the time getting to know him. After a few weeks he announced he was coming back to my city and it was decided he would stay with me. I wasn’t sure what to expect but prepared for my house guest. The day showed up for him to arrive, he texted me all throughout his drive- he drove 9 hours…
He arrived at my door with a bouquet of flowers, a suitcase, and his work shirts on hangers. This was serious, and clearly romantic. Long story short, he stayed with me for a full week. My roommate was out of town at the time, so we had the place to ourselves. We’d do our own things during the day, then have dinner at night. After an active week, he left, proceeded to call me everyday, continued with the CONSTANT communication- texts all day, call at night, emails every couple days. Full on. Every message from him was “baby” this and “baby” that. Then he went on a business trip for a few weeks, during which I could tell he was very stressed and road-weary over his work. The calls became less frequent and definitely abrupt, but it’s work, and that’s understandable! His behavior then started to get extremely weird and sporadic. He’d sound very strange on the phone and then just say, ‘I have to go’ and hang up. Though we had previously planned to see one another the month after that one-week visit, his business trip was now extending by weeks and weeks. It was clear to me it could be eons before we actually got together again.
I was starting to get annoyed (including with myself). I was thinking, ‘why am I entwined with this person who doesn’t even live here?’ ‘Why am I caring about his daily endeavors which were becoming less and less understandable?’ Still, I held tight and kept doing my thing. One day I was out running errands and gave him a call to say hi and give him a boost at work. He answered, whispered something into the phone and hung up. Maybe I interrupted a meeting? It was very odd. He texted that he would call back. He did not. As Christmas approached, I went home to visit my family and assumed our relationship was over. I was excited to be back with my family and shake the whole thing off. On Christmas day, he said nothing. He’s Jewish, but knew I celebrated Christmas and should have at least wished me a nice holiday with the family, I mean come on! A great girl you’ve been so in touch with and intimate? That’s just what you do. I texted him and said something about being home with my family and the holidays and he replied, “Cool. Have fun!” At this point I hadn’t heard from him in a couple weeks and was kind of in disbelief. I wrote back, “Are you serious? We’ve been dating and talking every day for months and you’ve fallen off the face of the Earth. What gives?” Later that night he replied, “You’re right. I owe you an explanation.”
Was he going to say his business was in shambles and had been working around the clock? Was he going to tell me he’d met another woman, that he was gay? I literally had NO idea what to expect. I appreciated him acknowledging that he owed me an explanation so I remain patient and wait and see. Days go by. I returned to the west coast and was preparing for my bff to come for a weeklong visit. Before she arrived, I wanted to know what was going on and get closure so I could really enjoy the vacation week. So I called and left him a pleasant but direct message, “Hey, it’s me, just calling to see how you’ve been. It’s been awhile and I think you owe me a call so, please call me back.” he texted me immediately and said, “In meeting can I call u later when I leave the office?” I replied “Yeah, call whenever”. Like HELLO, obviously he could call me later, he was the one that was calling me every damn day!! He replied “Ok”.
He never called. Not that day or any day after. Never explained. Never sent an email or even a TEXT explanation. NOTHING. That was almost six months ago.
And thus, I feel absolutely no guilt in telling you the following details, because he’s an asshole. Given that we were behaving like a couple, we became intimate during his visit. We had sex at least once every day he was there.. I believe it was during the second sexual encounter when my hands grabbed onto his back and felt a literal sweater of COARSE back hair. It was gross and jarring to the touch. I decided to touch only his arms from then on. The next night, the light was on and I somehow glanced down his back from over the shoulder and all I could see was a literal SHEATH of black back hair. It was absolutely insane. It was also strange because the rest of him was not that hairy. The back was a freakshow. The other strange behavior was that when we slept he wanted to sleep on top of me, arms wrapped around my body and arms (like a straight-jacket), clutching me, the whole night. As I’d be laying there trying to fall asleep, he’d say, “are you uncomfortable, is this too much, am I annoying you?” and I’d reply “Well, it’s ok, but I’m overheated, just lay down on your side of the bed and I’ll see you in the morning.” Two minutes later, he’d be right back on me.
Who knows, maybe these factors made him mortifyingly embarrassed. Personally, I doubt it. I was willing to overlook all that and yet he disappeared. You might be willing to put up with stuff too, which is why I’m issuing this warning: if this light bulb company-owning, hairy-backed guy sounds familiar, beware, he’s a flight risk.
SFAR